How to Avoid Letdown After the Performance, Frank Healy, LPC

Life is a balance of holding on and letting go ~ Rumi

How to Avoid Letdown After the Performance, Frank Healy, LPC

Frank Healy • December 15, 2021

Have you ever been in an activity where you gave it all you have and then felt disappointed, depressed or let down when it ended? It could be a show that you were in, a championship game if you were in sports, or maybe you were the organizer of the office holiday party, which kept you busy and excited for two months.

In order to understand what I am speaking of, I have divided these types of events into three stages. Stage one is the preparation stage, the performance stage and then the aftermath.

When you are in the preparation stage you prepare for the event. You can experience excitement, nervousness, anxiousness, determination and drive. Often, you devote so much time to practice and organizing your task at hand that other things in your life sometimes become neglected. However, it is during this stage that you have a sense of purpose in your life. For example, if you are in a show your purpose is to give everyone the best performance that you can. If it is a championship game you want to beat the opposition and bring honor to your school, town or family. Both the actor and the athlete look forward to the applause.

However, you may also hear a voice in your head that keeps you company. The voice reminds you that it’s time to practice or that you need to improve something in your game or presentation. It guides you through the preparation phase and helps you to stay motivated. Anxiety and excitement are closely related emotions. Many actors and athletes have shared that when they were ready to take the field or the stage they felt nervous. This nervousness can come from fear of making a mistake, but it is also contained excitement that the big moment is imminent.

During the actual performance stage whether this is participating in some game or event the performer often becomes ecstatic and energy is high. All sense of time goes away and the individual has no awareness of anything outside of what they are doing. It is a great feeling.

After the performance, the performer continues to feel good for the rest of the day or night but for some, a moment of accomplishment and excitement can often feel like a letdown after the event is over and this can happen as early as the next morning. It is at this time that a person who one day previous was feeling upbeat, excited and accomplished, now all of a sudden feels dread and depression can take over. Newlywed brides have sometimes described a feeling of letdown after their wedding that has lasted from a week to several months, in some cases. For one day, all of the attention is focused on them and then it’s over. For performers, the goal has been obtained and now there is nothing to strive for and the voice inside one’s head is alive and keeping company and then there is nothing to look forward to anymore.

What do you do to avoid the letdown? Well, hopefully, someone attended your event that was able to take pictures of you and afterwards it can be helpful to take the time and spend it with family and friends who supported you during the event. It can be a time to share pictures and reminisce. You may also want to include people that were involved in the event such as teammates or colleagues. If you do this often for the first few days you will find that you need to do it less as the days go by. Call old friends whom you may not have seen for a while, spend time with your family if you neglected them leading up to your event and do activities that make you feel good. You will realize that you have many ways to feel good and one event does not need to be your only source for validation.

This article is a great recourse for people who perform in shows, play sports, or tend to get so involved in an activity that a blah feeling may seem inevitable once it is over. Some of what I spoke of are good practical tips for helping yourself to avoid the letdown. Most important though is to remember your hard work and what you were able to accomplish!

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How to Study in College, by Frank Healy, LPC

By Frank Healy • December 15, 2021

Most college students juggle their schoolwork with jobs, school activities, social life, and relationships. When it is time to study you need to remind yourself that this is all that you need to do now. Take some deep breaths to clear your head of distracting thoughts. When you have distracting thoughts, remind yourself that this is what minds do. Let the thoughts go and remind yourself that this is the time to focus on the material. It helps to stay in a quiet place and to study in the same place all the time. If the dorm room or Fraternity/Sorority house is too noisy go the library or another quiet place. Budget your time so you will spend enough time studying each subject to fare well. A general rule is to spend three times the amount of time in the classroom for each subject. For example, If you spend three hours a week in the classroom spend nine hours a week studying that subject. Naturally you will spend more time on a subject before a test or project is due, and less time for a few days afterwards. But classroom time times three should be the general rule. The best times to study are an hour or two hours before bed. When study is your last activity before bed you keep more information than if you concentrated on Facebook, a video game or other activity. You keep the last thing you learned because the brain had all night to process it while you slept. More importantly, do not compare yourself to other students. When I taught college students who struggled, they shared that they caught themselves not understanding a paragraph they had just read. Then they got discouraged and wanted to throw the book across the room. The problem was that they focused on their performance, and consequentially did not focus on the material. This led to frustration and poor performance. Don’t get down on yourself if you had to read the material over. Just accept that and read it again. Do not go to a party or any distracting activity the night before a test. When I was in college, students used to brag that they stayed up all night, went to a major league baseball game, or a concert the night before a test and still got an “A” on the test. I never believed any of it. Take a test when you are in the same physical, mental, and emotional state that you were in when you studied. There is a principle called State Dependent Memory. It means that you keep more information when you are in the same state as when you learned it. Many students study all night two nights before a test then get a good rest the night before so they will be well rested. This might seem like common sense. However, state dependent memory says if you studied tired you will remember more if you take the test tired. Multitasking is a myth. when people multitask they do not do any single task as well as when they do the task by itself. Study one subject at a time. If you have ADHD or a short attention span divide your time with each subject at short intervals. A half hour for each subject works. Finally, do not make studying the only thing you do. Have a social life and be in activities. College can be a challenging time.

Use Memories of your Loved One to Help you Grieve by Frank Healy, LPC

By Frank Healy • December 15, 2021

When you look through old pictures, library cards, sports uniforms, instruments and other items that a loved one owned, it can be therapeutic to happily reminisce. This is because you think of the good times you had and feel gratitude for the memories. Get together with other family members or friends of your loved one because it will feel good for everyone to remember the good times that were had. When a memory of the person is triggered, you can allow yourself to be grateful for the experience. There are many ways that a memory can be triggered. It can happen when you go to a place you used to go with the person, such as a restaurant or a vacation destination. Let yourself feel happiness for the times you had with your loved one instead of thinking how bad it is that they are no longer with you. When you do feel mournful, accept the feeling. Even if you apply the first three techniques, there are probably going to be times when you feel sad, angry, or think about what might have saved the person. Don’t fight these feelings or judge yourself as selfish. Ironically, accepting how you feel often makes the sad feelings less intense. People who have experienced loss sometimes often believe that they have to stay sad all of the time. It is ok to give yourself permission to be happy when you feel happy without feeling guilty because you are having fun after you recently lost someone. Many people stay sad over a loss for years for basically two reasons. One is that they feel they need to stay sad to prove that they cared about the person who died. You can mourn for a short period of time and still care about your loved one who is no longer with you. A second reason people stay sad is because they think it is the only way to still feel connected to their deceased loved one. However, you can still feel connected by remembering the good times you had with them. Your memories will always stay with you. It is not necessary to judge anyone who does not act mournful at the funeral. People mourn and say goodbye to others in different ways. In India’s culture they mourn by lighting a candle and peacefully reflect on the life. It’s great that many funerals today display pictures of the person’s life. Consequentially, they make the funeral a celebration of life instead of a sad time. If you had a strained relationship with the person, don’t judge yourself for not feeling sad when they pass. Your feelings are not good or bad, they are just feelings. When most of your memories with the person are not pleasant ones, it is not necessary to feel sad or mourn. Many people say that when they lost a loved one there were things they left unsaid, such as they never told their parent they loved them. Many of the things people wish they had said were understood, particularly in close family relationships. If you took care of a sick parent or grandparent and they died they understand that you loved them. Sometimes young adults get impatient with a non ambulatory person they are taking care of. The person will understand if most of your interactions were positive. There are many ways to use your memories to help yourself through the loss of a loved one. You can enjoy thinking about the happy memories, and you do not have to stay angry, sad, or have regrets. Going through memorabilia is healthy and a great activity for the whole family to do.