Counseling for individuals and families throughout The State of New Jersey.

Life is a balance of holding on and letting go ~ Rumi

Seeking a Way to Achieve Balance? Karen Kerr, LPC, LCADC, NCC

Karen Kerr • December 15, 2021

Often, individuals seek help because they feel besieged by the responsibilities that are put upon them as a parent, worker, spouse or even as an adult care-giver for an ailing parent. Living life out of balance can easily happen to anyone but for some it can lead to anger, frustration, stress, physical problems, depression, or anxiety. How can one achieve balance and find peace amongst chaos?


A good place to begin might be to examine life in terms of your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual self. How are you taking care of yourself? Do you neglect any of these areas? Lately, whenever I speak to someone it seems many are running on empty because it is easy to disregard those different areas in life. In order for one to get grounded and manage all of the chaos and responsibilities of living life it is essential to make time for yourself.


For example, you might want to take 10 minutes on your lunch hour and go for a walk, or decrease your use of caffeine or sugar. Sometimes making simple changes in diet or taking time for exercise can give you more energy and improve your mood.


How do you pay attention to the emotional and mental side of yourself? You can begin this by using a simple daily affirmation such as “all is well in my world.” It may seem strange to you but positive affirmations tend to lift our mood and help us to stay focused and it can help you to have a positive outlook. According to an article published online in Psychology Today (May, 2013) author, Ray Williams reported on research results that demonstrated that the use of positive affirmations helped to reduce stress and assisted individuals in coping more effectively and enhanced problem solving abilities. One affirmation that I teach my clients is to use the statement “oh well” particularly when things do not always go as planned. That one simple statement, can immediately change your mood when you can begin to recognize that sometimes things are too beyond your control.


Finally, what do you do to maintain a spiritual connection? For some this might mean attending weekly religious services or for others it can be about the development of faith or an understanding of a higher power as a way to help one achieve balance and order in life when it seems out of balance. Do you pray or meditate? These are simple methods that might help to strengthen one’s spiritual side.


Paying attention to these different areas in your life can help you to make good decisions for yourself; bring order when life seems to be out of control, and give you peace and balance in the midst of feeling overwhelmed and stressed.


Reference: Williams, R. (2013). Do Self-Affirmations Work? A revisit. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201305/do-self-affirmations-work-revisit


Financial stress, Mental health service in Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, Seaside Serenity.

Feeling Financial Stress? Here’s How to Regain Peace of Mind

By Karen Kerr • January 17, 2025
Overwhelmed by financial stress? Discover practical tips on budgeting, debt management, and mindful spending to ease anxiety and regain peace of mind today!

How to Study in College, by Frank Healy, LPC

By Frank Healy • December 15, 2021
Most college students juggle their schoolwork with jobs, school activities, social life, and relationships. When it is time to study you need to remind yourself that this is all that you need to do now. Take some deep breaths to clear your head of distracting thoughts. When you have distracting thoughts, remind yourself that this is what minds do. Let the thoughts go and remind yourself that this is the time to focus on the material. It helps to stay in a quiet place and to study in the same place all the time. If the dorm room or Fraternity/Sorority house is too noisy go the library or another quiet place. Budget your time so you will spend enough time studying each subject to fare well. A general rule is to spend three times the amount of time in the classroom for each subject. For example, If you spend three hours a week in the classroom spend nine hours a week studying that subject. Naturally you will spend more time on a subject before a test or project is due, and less time for a few days afterwards. But classroom time times three should be the general rule. The best times to study are an hour or two hours before bed. When study is your last activity before bed you keep more information than if you concentrated on Facebook, a video game or other activity. You keep the last thing you learned because the brain had all night to process it while you slept. More importantly, do not compare yourself to other students. When I taught college students who struggled, they shared that they caught themselves not understanding a paragraph they had just read. Then they got discouraged and wanted to throw the book across the room. The problem was that they focused on their performance, and consequentially did not focus on the material. This led to frustration and poor performance. Don’t get down on yourself if you had to read the material over. Just accept that and read it again. Do not go to a party or any distracting activity the night before a test. When I was in college, students used to brag that they stayed up all night, went to a major league baseball game, or a concert the night before a test and still got an “A” on the test. I never believed any of it. Take a test when you are in the same physical, mental, and emotional state that you were in when you studied. There is a principle called State Dependent Memory. It means that you keep more information when you are in the same state as when you learned it. Many students study all night two nights before a test then get a good rest the night before so they will be well rested. This might seem like common sense. However, state dependent memory says if you studied tired you will remember more if you take the test tired. Multitasking is a myth. when people multitask they do not do any single task as well as when they do the task by itself. Study one subject at a time. If you have ADHD or a short attention span divide your time with each subject at short intervals. A half hour for each subject works. Finally, do not make studying the only thing you do. Have a social life and be in activities. College can be a challenging time.

Use Memories of your Loved One to Help you Grieve by Frank Healy, LPC

By Frank Healy • December 15, 2021
When you look through old pictures, library cards, sports uniforms, instruments and other items that a loved one owned, it can be therapeutic to happily reminisce. This is because you think of the good times you had and feel gratitude for the memories. Get together with other family members or friends of your loved one because it will feel good for everyone to remember the good times that were had. When a memory of the person is triggered, you can allow yourself to be grateful for the experience. There are many ways that a memory can be triggered. It can happen when you go to a place you used to go with the person, such as a restaurant or a vacation destination. Let yourself feel happiness for the times you had with your loved one instead of thinking how bad it is that they are no longer with you. When you do feel mournful, accept the feeling. Even if you apply the first three techniques, there are probably going to be times when you feel sad, angry, or think about what might have saved the person. Don’t fight these feelings or judge yourself as selfish. Ironically, accepting how you feel often makes the sad feelings less intense. People who have experienced loss sometimes often believe that they have to stay sad all of the time. It is ok to give yourself permission to be happy when you feel happy without feeling guilty because you are having fun after you recently lost someone. Many people stay sad over a loss for years for basically two reasons. One is that they feel they need to stay sad to prove that they cared about the person who died. You can mourn for a short period of time and still care about your loved one who is no longer with you. A second reason people stay sad is because they think it is the only way to still feel connected to their deceased loved one. However, you can still feel connected by remembering the good times you had with them. Your memories will always stay with you. It is not necessary to judge anyone who does not act mournful at the funeral. People mourn and say goodbye to others in different ways. In India’s culture they mourn by lighting a candle and peacefully reflect on the life. It’s great that many funerals today display pictures of the person’s life. Consequentially, they make the funeral a celebration of life instead of a sad time. If you had a strained relationship with the person, don’t judge yourself for not feeling sad when they pass. Your feelings are not good or bad, they are just feelings. When most of your memories with the person are not pleasant ones, it is not necessary to feel sad or mourn. Many people say that when they lost a loved one there were things they left unsaid, such as they never told their parent they loved them. Many of the things people wish they had said were understood, particularly in close family relationships. If you took care of a sick parent or grandparent and they died they understand that you loved them. Sometimes young adults get impatient with a non ambulatory person they are taking care of. The person will understand if most of your interactions were positive. There are many ways to use your memories to help yourself through the loss of a loved one. You can enjoy thinking about the happy memories, and you do not have to stay angry, sad, or have regrets. Going through memorabilia is healthy and a great activity for the whole family to do.
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