Counseling for individuals and families throughout The State of New Jersey.

Life is a balance of holding on and letting go ~ Rumi

Ready for Winter? Frank Healy, LPC

Frank Healy • December 29, 2020

People throughout much of the United States may remember the winter of 2014-2015. It brought many days of snow shoveling, driving through ice, snow, and slush, or missing time from work due to school closings for the kids who had the day off. Many experienced the stress and worry regarding the safety of loved ones.


Psychologically, this type of winter is one of the toughest kinds to endure. For many folks whom live in the Boston area there was so much snow that houses were buried as the result of one storm after another. The weather was consistently cold in most areas of the United States. Consequentially, people felt that they never had a break from shoveling, hazardous driving, rearranging work schedules, making arrangements for the children, and high heating bills.


There are coping tools that you can use to handle the frequent stressors of winter. The best way is to find activities that you enjoy. Listen to your favorite music, get a massage, call people and go out socially even if it is a hassle to put coats, gloves and boots on. When you stay in the house you do not get the benefits of sunlight and fresh air, and you do not feel connected to the world. This can lead to depression. Having houseplants and pets can be an antidote to depression. Read a book, meditate, or do anything that will get the blood flowing. All of these activities help to alleviate depression, anxiety, and anger.


Many people outside of northern latitudes judge winter as a bad time. However, it is the judging itself that makes winter seem depressing. If you just accept the fact that it is now winter but the snow and the cold will end this can make it easier. You can look for things to like about winter that you don’t get during the rest of the year. For example, you could notice the way the snow and ice look on the ground and the tree branches. You can appreciate the exercise when shoveling and the good feeling you get when you have completed it. Some people actually like driving in snow because they feel like they are meeting a challenge and conquering. It is all contingent on how you view it.


Planning the future is another way to make the winter easier. Many people plan their summer vacations while it is still wintertime. Then you have the rest of the winter to look forward to it.


Don’t let the weather determine how happy or unhappy you will be.

Financial stress, Mental health service in Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, Seaside Serenity.

Feeling Financial Stress? Here’s How to Regain Peace of Mind

By Karen Kerr • January 17, 2025
Overwhelmed by financial stress? Discover practical tips on budgeting, debt management, and mindful spending to ease anxiety and regain peace of mind today!

How to Study in College, by Frank Healy, LPC

By Frank Healy • December 15, 2021
Most college students juggle their schoolwork with jobs, school activities, social life, and relationships. When it is time to study you need to remind yourself that this is all that you need to do now. Take some deep breaths to clear your head of distracting thoughts. When you have distracting thoughts, remind yourself that this is what minds do. Let the thoughts go and remind yourself that this is the time to focus on the material. It helps to stay in a quiet place and to study in the same place all the time. If the dorm room or Fraternity/Sorority house is too noisy go the library or another quiet place. Budget your time so you will spend enough time studying each subject to fare well. A general rule is to spend three times the amount of time in the classroom for each subject. For example, If you spend three hours a week in the classroom spend nine hours a week studying that subject. Naturally you will spend more time on a subject before a test or project is due, and less time for a few days afterwards. But classroom time times three should be the general rule. The best times to study are an hour or two hours before bed. When study is your last activity before bed you keep more information than if you concentrated on Facebook, a video game or other activity. You keep the last thing you learned because the brain had all night to process it while you slept. More importantly, do not compare yourself to other students. When I taught college students who struggled, they shared that they caught themselves not understanding a paragraph they had just read. Then they got discouraged and wanted to throw the book across the room. The problem was that they focused on their performance, and consequentially did not focus on the material. This led to frustration and poor performance. Don’t get down on yourself if you had to read the material over. Just accept that and read it again. Do not go to a party or any distracting activity the night before a test. When I was in college, students used to brag that they stayed up all night, went to a major league baseball game, or a concert the night before a test and still got an “A” on the test. I never believed any of it. Take a test when you are in the same physical, mental, and emotional state that you were in when you studied. There is a principle called State Dependent Memory. It means that you keep more information when you are in the same state as when you learned it. Many students study all night two nights before a test then get a good rest the night before so they will be well rested. This might seem like common sense. However, state dependent memory says if you studied tired you will remember more if you take the test tired. Multitasking is a myth. when people multitask they do not do any single task as well as when they do the task by itself. Study one subject at a time. If you have ADHD or a short attention span divide your time with each subject at short intervals. A half hour for each subject works. Finally, do not make studying the only thing you do. Have a social life and be in activities. College can be a challenging time.

Use Memories of your Loved One to Help you Grieve by Frank Healy, LPC

By Frank Healy • December 15, 2021
When you look through old pictures, library cards, sports uniforms, instruments and other items that a loved one owned, it can be therapeutic to happily reminisce. This is because you think of the good times you had and feel gratitude for the memories. Get together with other family members or friends of your loved one because it will feel good for everyone to remember the good times that were had. When a memory of the person is triggered, you can allow yourself to be grateful for the experience. There are many ways that a memory can be triggered. It can happen when you go to a place you used to go with the person, such as a restaurant or a vacation destination. Let yourself feel happiness for the times you had with your loved one instead of thinking how bad it is that they are no longer with you. When you do feel mournful, accept the feeling. Even if you apply the first three techniques, there are probably going to be times when you feel sad, angry, or think about what might have saved the person. Don’t fight these feelings or judge yourself as selfish. Ironically, accepting how you feel often makes the sad feelings less intense. People who have experienced loss sometimes often believe that they have to stay sad all of the time. It is ok to give yourself permission to be happy when you feel happy without feeling guilty because you are having fun after you recently lost someone. Many people stay sad over a loss for years for basically two reasons. One is that they feel they need to stay sad to prove that they cared about the person who died. You can mourn for a short period of time and still care about your loved one who is no longer with you. A second reason people stay sad is because they think it is the only way to still feel connected to their deceased loved one. However, you can still feel connected by remembering the good times you had with them. Your memories will always stay with you. It is not necessary to judge anyone who does not act mournful at the funeral. People mourn and say goodbye to others in different ways. In India’s culture they mourn by lighting a candle and peacefully reflect on the life. It’s great that many funerals today display pictures of the person’s life. Consequentially, they make the funeral a celebration of life instead of a sad time. If you had a strained relationship with the person, don’t judge yourself for not feeling sad when they pass. Your feelings are not good or bad, they are just feelings. When most of your memories with the person are not pleasant ones, it is not necessary to feel sad or mourn. Many people say that when they lost a loved one there were things they left unsaid, such as they never told their parent they loved them. Many of the things people wish they had said were understood, particularly in close family relationships. If you took care of a sick parent or grandparent and they died they understand that you loved them. Sometimes young adults get impatient with a non ambulatory person they are taking care of. The person will understand if most of your interactions were positive. There are many ways to use your memories to help yourself through the loss of a loved one. You can enjoy thinking about the happy memories, and you do not have to stay angry, sad, or have regrets. Going through memorabilia is healthy and a great activity for the whole family to do.
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